This is my first entry but I'm hoping to become a regular so show some support please.
About two months ago I posted this on another blog site:
Recently I've been thinking about temptation. I've been thinking about the things that tempt us (drugs, alcohol, sex, steamy affairs with inappropriate men) and why we want them. I think we want the things that we know are bad for us because we know we're not supposed to have them. These things aren't good for us and we know we shouldn't do them. Yet, being denied makes us want them all the more. Honestly, don't we all want what we can't have?
There's a guy that I've known since my freshman year of college. We made out at the end of freshman year then left for the summer. After returning in the fall, we flirted often throughout the rest of college. Whenever we are both single and he would try to start something with me I always found an excuse as to why I couldn't hang out.
Yet, whenever he has a girlfriend I find myself so tempted by his invitations to hang out in private. Even though I know what would happen. Even though I know its a bad idea. Even though I know it is wrong. I'm never really interested when he's single and available. It all goes back to the principal of temptation. We all want what we can't have.
Well, I ended up succombing to temptation with this boy. It was simply undeniable. Not being able to have him made me want him so much more and we ended up starting this brief affair. It all happened so quickly that I didn't even have time to think about what I was doing. The only thing that I did think about was how would it end? Would I get out without getting hurt? Then, that made me think - how can you get hurt if its a casual affair - don't feelings have to be involved? Then, my only worry was what would happen if we got caught? He couldn't hurt me because of my lack of feelings for him. It was all about physical attraction and lust - not being able to say no to someone because you want them so bad. He was simply undeniable. There's no better word - I didn't feel like I could stop myself if I tried. The only way I could get hurt, then, was if we got caught and my reputation was ruined.
Somehow, I escaped completely unharmed with no one ever finding out and no reprocussions at all. Talk about luck. How many people can have affairs with irresistable yet inappropriate men without ever being found out? No movie or television drama - never got caught in the act by the girlfriend. No one ever developed strong feelings to complicate things. It was what it was: two people undeniably physically attracted to each other for two years - getting exactly what they wanted. Talk about passion - waiting that long for something. Yet, I did escape from it. I found something more. Someone who cared about me. Someone whose day and life I was interested in and who made me laugh and smile. So I escaped from my inappropraite affair and found someone I was genuinely interested in. Someone I liked to hold hands with, laugh with, and share dinner with, and spend free time with. And that's better than the passion or esctasy associated with any affair or of doing something forbidden. Its stability and that's awesome.
Little did I think about Karma. I've never given a lot of thought to Karma. I don't have a belief one way or another about whether it really exists. But now I'm a little curious as to whether it really exists after all and is striking me back! More to come on what I mean by Karma and my "payback" but something for everyone to think about in the meantime: Is it possible to resist temptation? Do our actions come back to haunt us later in life? Does Karma exists?