Thanks so much to everyone who responded yesterday. After I finish writing this, I'm going to try to get everyone back in their blogs.
Now that you have a little background knowledge from yesterday, I'm going to talk about Karma. I don't really know if I believe in it. There's no way to prove whether it exists or not. Most of my life has been pretty great. I've been very blessed and have had some awesome opportunities. But, I've also done a lot of good in my life, have a pretty good attitude, and try really hard not to hurt people. So Karma really hasn't had a reason to hit me. Yet, I did something bad this summer. Not necessarily bad, but forbidden, immoral, whatever. And I showed absolutely no remorse. I'm a huge proponent of loyalty and faithfullness in relationships. I think its wrong to cheat. The line on that one has always been pretty black and white. So I've never cheated. And I really never thought I would be the "other woman" either. I remember when I was a freshman in high school my ex boyfriend was talking to me before a football game and he leaned over and kissed me. He had a new girlfriend by this point and it made me feel incredibly guilty and I was furious with him and refused to talk to him because he put me in that position. My feelings on that one were clear: infidelity in any relationship is wrong.
However, when it came to the boy I was talking about yesterday - the line didn't seem so clear. Sure, he had a girlfriend. But I justified my actions with the fact that he never actually told me about her, that she couldn't get hurt if she never found out, and that I didn't know her so I couldn't put a face with the girl I was betraying. Plus we had just undeniable chemistry.
Then I met this other boy and we began dating. Once it was clear that we were headed towards a relationship, I ended all contact with the other boy. The line wasn't so clear when I was helping someone cheat but I wasn't going to be a cheater myself. The relationship progressed at warp speed. He set the pace for it and I followed because he was a pretty awesome guy and I really liked spending time with him.
This is a huge deal for me because I don't do relationships. They frighten me because they make you vulnerable. Opening up and caring about someone is hard and scary. But I agreed and I'm glad I did. We had an awesome relationship then one really rough weekend. We had a talk at the end of it and decided to break up. We talked about how we really did like each other but he said that he wasn't in a place for a relationship right now. He just got out of a really serious relationship six months ago and just wants time to be alone. He said he still wanted to hang out and spend some time together occasionally and might even be ready for a relationship in a couple months but right now just needs time. And I think that's the biggest load of crap ever. He rushed me into a relationship. He rushed me into everything. I don't let people in. I don't let people hurt me. Yet, by rushing me, it made me like him, and it allowed me to get hurt.
I still don't know if Karma actually exists. But regardless of what you call it, I'm wondering if I didn't get exactly what I deserved with this one. I helped a boy cheat on his girlfriend. She never found out, she never got hurt but he still cheated. He was still disloyal to her. And I helped. Then, I had my own loyal, sweet boyfriend who didn't cheat on me but nevertheless ended up hurting me. I hurt her, even though she'll probably never know, and in turn I got hurt. Maybe that is Karma...