Today, I am feeling a little restless. Maybe its the bad weather - its been raining for days and the temperature has turned cold. Maybe its the pressure from my midterms and assignments due over the next couple days. Maybe its thoughts about my future and life after I graduate. Maybe its confusion over Derek. But probably, its a combination of all of these.
I am feeling the need to take some sort of action - to do something. I don't know what exactly, but I'm finding myself frustrated sitting here attempting to study. I thought about taking a break to calm myself down from the day before transitioning into studying. I thought about getting on facebook to chat for about thirty minutes with some friends. I thought about wating Friends reruns on TV. I thought about cooking something delicious. I thought about taking a quick cat nap or a hot bubble bath. But none of these were appealing. So here I am blogging because I am too frustrated to do anything productive.
I don't think it is just one aspect of my life that is making me feel this way. I think it is a culmination of everything. I feel grown up yet I'm stuck with a semester and a half left of college then the necessity of a master's degree weighing down on me. I'm starting to get tired of this city. I'm tired of my situation with Derek. I want to move. I want to start over.
Which makes me think back to four years ago...I was a senior in high school with college fast appraoching. I was in a long term relationship that wasn't right for me. I changed my mind about going to the local university in the fall and decided to go here. New school. New friends. New city. New life. It was hard to end things with my then-boyfriend. It broke my heart. It was hard to leave all my best friends. It was hard to be away from my family and to cut off ties with everything I'd grown up knowing and taking for granted. But it was definitely the right thing to do. I have a wonderful education, have made wonderful professional contacts, have wonderful friends, and a wonferful, fun life.
But now I am bored with it. I'm frustrated over it and I'm feeling restless. I can take a new job and start over in a new city. New job. New friends. New city. New life. All of my close friends are graduating too and they'll move on to graduate school and to take jobs away from this city. A few stragglers might stay but mostly, I'll have to make new friends no matter where I am to fill the voids in my social life. Starting over might be a great idea. It would alleviate the Derek frustration and give me a change of pace.
Consistency and stability is what we all hope to achieve in life. A stable job we enjoy. A stable relationship with someone to love. Consistency in our daily routine. But I have my whole life ahead to achieve those things. Maybe I need some change, some inconsistency and instability right now. I'm wondering if a change of pace might be what I'm so restless for.
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